I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Too much gin, very little bucket
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
