I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
