Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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