my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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