i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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