those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
