Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
