Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
