we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
