Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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