my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
