I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
