there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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