where am i from again
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
