I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
