"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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