My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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