dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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