Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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