He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wear drunk well.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
