so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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