I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
