I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
