I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
