Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize