So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
