bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
