So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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