I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
