my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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