She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
