I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
