if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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