I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have started to decorate penises.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize