First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Semen is not good for contacts.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
