Have you finally orgasmed yet?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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