UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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