Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
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Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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