you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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