he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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