After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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