dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
