my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
