He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
