The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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