Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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