Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
