What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
