so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
