I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
