hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
