You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
