he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
