i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
