It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
