You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
