can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize