I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
