you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
