Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
