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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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