So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
