so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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