They should really pass out barf bags in church
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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