they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
false alarm, still single
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
