You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
