At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All I want is dick and wine.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
