THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Still dying that you shit outside
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
