Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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