I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
