question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
