porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
