3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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