when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
