so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
