imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
