If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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