Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
