I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
