K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
