i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
